Where have you been whole day? I have been just waiting.

Days start to blur together. I have no idea when this started or what day it is,

and why should I care?

I havent slept since this started, well I havent slept any night.

I have been awake every night, and I'm afraid to sleep.

I havent take my pills in a while. They wont save me, so why sould I take them?

They are actually pretty useless.

This day has been long, I'm not sure what has happened today and what was yesterday, when does the next day start?

All I feel is this huge hole inside of me, and pain in my eyes and head. I think that I have ran out of tears, because everytime it feel I wanna cry I can only shed few tears and then my eyes start to hurt and they start to smarts. It's awful.

I just finished watching a movie, guess billion times what movie.

I'm not sure do I even want to say out loud how I feel right now, or how do I fel for you right now or about us, if I can still call you and me us. I guess not.

Dunno how many I have realized how lonely I am after all. For real, could you count how many any real friend of mine that I'm still in touch? I can bet my life for it that you cannot get even one.

I just want to keep writing and write until my head is out of toughts, so I have said everything. But then I dont want to make anyone feel guilty or sad because of me, it would be ridiculous. I dont need no ones pity. All I want right now is someone that sits next to holding my hand and says quiet while I can cry and fall asleep, and hugs me when I need it. I just want one fucking hug, is it too much to ask? Any one that counts me as a friend and reads this please just show on to my door and give me a hug, no word no whys....just a hug.

Mom called this evening asking am I okay and in one piece. And how I feel, it just makes me sad that she's worrying and asking. It makes me more distressed. Why did she has to see this scar? And she reminded me to take pills, if they would affect in my brains for my mood, even tou they dont give me sleep.

I dont want to sleep. I dont even know when my dreams end and when reality starts. I'm living behind this curtain of fog. Nothing seems straight, but pain. I dont remember my dreams, if I even have them. And if I have them you two are always in there. So whats the differense between a dream and real life anymore?

I'll think I will drink my glass empty now and get some sleep. When I wake up I most likely dont remember nothing special from this day. Oh, if I'm not totally wrong today I got the message of yours? and mom noticed my scar. and yeah, what else do I need to remeber? Nothig.

ps. I really miss you and want to see you... Door is always open for you.